Let's talk about sex, baby.

I've been looking forward to get home to sit at the computer and type this entry, but now that I'm finally here, I realize I'm so worn out from being angry all day that I'm practically forcing myself to write.

*laps up last specks of re-heated Chinese takeout*

Now. Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me... Heh.

Sex is a... sensitive subject for me. I'm not an Orthodox Christian, but I do agree that sex should wait 'til marriage. (I'm an old-fashioned kinda girl.) I don't handle well this "if you really love the person..." bullshit. It's even worse when performed without love. Argh. Like I was telling a friend today- I lose respect for people who "didn't wait". Why? Because I see them as people who lack self-control. Who mix up the meaning of love with lust. Who are ruled by their passions and not their intelligence. (Not to mention the health and religious implications I like to throw into the mix.)

I gave the aforementioned friend a cruel verbal lashing when he confessed he'd lost his virginity some months ago. This depressed me. This guy was one of the persons I respected and admired for not succumbing to nymphomaniac's offers of brief pleasure. So to see that he had given up his virginity to a girl he didn't even love, using as an excuse that he was lonely and depressed... well, I got tears in my eyes and I started swearing, saying, "Fuck it! Just fuck it. Everyone can just fuck everybody else, I don't care anymore!"

Am I a drama queen? *shrugs* I was just sad because every day I lose another "ally". Every day I feel more and more alone in my personal philosophies. I felt a little better when he admitted it had been a mistake, and that some things are worth the wait. Also, I was impressed that he hadn't indulged in such acts since. I was under the impression that once you do start, it's practically impossible to stop.

At least I came out of the conversation feeling empowered and confirmed in the fact that some things can wait. Every now and then I get frustrated (but only because I feel so alone in my beliefs). But hey, I'm a "live and let live" kind of person, I might bitch a little bit, but when it comes down to it, I don't expect anybody to accept what I believe. I wouldn't want anybody else imposing their lifestyle on me.

- - - - -

I went to a Christian concert today. Being inside a church makes me edgy and short-tempered. I'm always tense, waiting to flip off anybody who asks me if I have accepted Jesus as my Savior. I consider myself a Christian, but I don't like organized religions. Religion, to me, is a very personal thing, not something to commercialize or to impound into "the ignorant".

I think I was particularly bitter because the church we went to wasn't only an evangelical church- oh no- we went to a Pentecostal church, which is evangelical, only to the tenth power. These are the most vociferous of them all- with their skirt-wearing women banging on tambourines and incessant (and noisy) worship and adoration.

11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake.

12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

1 Kings 19:11-13

So after about a million repetitions of the phrases Aleluya, gloria a Dios, and *shudder* ¡un grito de júbilo!, we enjoyed some nice Christian rock. I text-messaged Sergei: "Ever wanted to save a damsel in distress? I'm in an evangelical church: SAVE ME!!!". Minutes later I received his reply: "Dios te bendiga." God bless you. (Which, coming from an atheist, wasn't very supportive.

I think I've let off enough steam for now.

P.S. If I have offended anybody's beliefs, religious and/or otherwise... el que se pica es porque ají come. Truth hurts, bitches. Deal!

¿Que nos pasa, Puerto Rico?

I started thinking about writing this post while I was driving home from college earlier today. I was listening to the radio and one of those "¿Qué nos pasa, Puerto Rico?" ("What's wrong with us, Puerto Rico?") commercials came on.

For some time now, there's been a campaign that is supposed to remind Puerto Ricans of the decaying of human morals and manners. Radio and TV commercials that are harsh in their sincere portrayal of typical, everyday Puerto Ricans' behavior. For example, here's the commercial I heard today. (The statistics might be off, I didn't memorize the entire thing...)

If you spent 15 minutes on the highway, you would see that 4 out of every 10 people throw trash out the window.
8 out of every 10 talk on their cell phones while driving.
5 out of every 10 use the emergency lane as a regular lane.
What's wrong with us, Puerto Rico?

...

I hate the damn commercials.

Why? First, because they're true. It pisses me off to listen to them and remember witnessing similar atrocious behavior on the street. I effin' hate driving, and avoid it as much as possible, and it's because it makes my blood boil when I see the things people do on the streets.

I also hate the commercials because we've reached the shameful level when these commercials are NECESSARY. It's infuriating that we need a bitch-slap like them.

But what I hate most is that the commercials throw the truth in our faces, but I haven't seen a shred of results.

Here's a little anecdote that pretty much encompasses everything: Once, I was driving, and I was stuck in a nasty traffic jam. On my right was the empty emergency lane. After a few cars zipped past me in that lane, I got fed up and pulled half of my car into the emergency lane, and for a while drove (more like inched) like that. I thought this would be enough to discourage the bastard gansos who wanted to use the emergency lane, but one of them wasn't. He was in a Jeep, and he managed to squeeze his vehicle between my car and the street's edge. Not only that, he stopped next to my car and shot me a filthy look. I was mute with disbelief. He was the one violating traffic regulations, and he was looking at me as if I was in the wrong.

If I didn't force myself to not wish others ill things, I would've wished that man much pain and genital putrefaction (which, were I God, would be the divine punishment for traffic violations).

That blasphemy being said, let's move on.

There is another side to this story.

Last night, Esteban was telling me of a talk show he'd heard on the radio. There had been a segment for foreigners in Puerto Rico to call in and talk about the country. Some woman from Panamá had called in and had begun to criticize acidly about the lack of cordiality and humility, and how she was dying to leave Puerto Rico already.

The response from the audience was like a tidal wave. Puerto Ricans called in to tell her off- calls ranged from "If you don't like it, leave, bitch!" to "As if HER country was sooo much better off!" to "What the hell's she talking about? Humility is what is most abundant here, it characterizes us!" (Which is mostly true, if you go to the countryside...)

Anyway. What floored me was the fact that there is still some glimmer of hope. People might complain about the state of the country, its politicians, its crime rate, its absurd sects (i.e., Mita?), the obsession with celebrity scandals and gossip, the economy, and the list goes on. But deep down, Puerto Ricans will defend Puerto Rico with everything they've got. It's a soft spot we all have.

My conclusion is that, no matter how ashamed of the country I (we) am (are) sometimes, I wouldn't change it for the world. Some people dream about studying overseas and never coming back, but I'm not one of those people. I want to stay here and do my part to make things here better. I want to stay here because living here and knowing this place gives me the rightful authority to bitch about it all I want.