Call to serve

Hell yes, I'm scared.

A little part of me fears it will probably happen someday. But I've always sought solace thinking that it was very far off, or that there was a chance that the time would never come at all.

Sometimes, Esteban's desire of going on a mission becomes more than just a surreal dream. Sometimes it concretizes. I'll be floating ignorantly, accustomed to always having him there, and all of a sudden, the word "mission" comes and that yanks me down to Earth, hard.

I'm too horrified to allow the thought "I don't want him to go" to dwell in my mind too long. How dare I? Deny him the enriching, life-changing experience of going off, far far away, and serve the Lord? Oppose the word of God to be spread? The possibilities of other lives being touched by his?

How dare I?

...It's not like he's never coming back. I mean, it's only two years, right?

Two years.

Two years without his voice, without his laughter, without his music.
Two years without the warmth that melts away everything that is ugly in the world.
Two years without the only person on this Earth who's seen the vile things that poison me, and yet he has forgiven and forgiven time and time again.
Two years without the only person on this Earth who could make me believe that not all hope is lost, that there is still love in the world and human beings capable of acting upon it.
Two years without the only person I could wake up at 3 in the morning to complain that I can't sleep because I'm angry at my father, or worried about my debts, or scared of the dark.

If he leaves... what about when he returns?
Will he arrive, radiating with wisdom his experience bestowed? How will the world look like from his point of view? How will I look like? Will he still love the stumbling, temperamental, silly girl?

How will those two years of loneliness have changed me?

Just two years.
I know I can live without him.
I just don't want to.

Please, God, don't ask me to do this...

Blog, how I neglect thee...

Not much to report. New semester's off to an okay start... I'm taking Composition, Grammar, Linguistics, and a dumb math class. =_= I'm also taking the church history course @ Institute... and that's a lot of fun. ^_^

Last Sunday Esteban and I went to a comic convention @ the Y. Geeks galore!! I was so elated, because I thought the attendees would be few... but the convention was crowded! FF cosplay! Kenshin cosplay! I even stalked a girl cosplaying as Lime from Saber Marionette just to get a picture with her, she was just too cute. :3 Next year I'm gonna cosplay too >:(

I bought several comics... mostly weird ones I found in the plastic boxes that were a quarter each... and I supported the local talent. I was a little sad, because, well, to be honest, most could be a lot better. Heck, I could do better. So why don't I? ... just you wait and see.

I'm also starting to work on Esteban's Halloween costume. Last year I promised to make him a Link costume, but my sewing machine broke down. This year I'll just take it to a seamstress and get it over with. I am, however, having a lot of fun with the accesories. :D

Behold, an in-progress picture of the Hylian shield:



I made it with a foam board and with paper paste (blended newspaper & glue). Once its dry (takes about 3 days), I'll start on the colors. It's gonna be flippin' sweet.