5:23 in the morning and I can't sleep
It's been a long time since I had so much trouble sleeping. It's 5:23 in the morning and I can't sleep. I don't know if it's because there are still traces of the day's consumption of caffeine in my system, or it's just the mess of thoughts that's keeping me up. Usually I wake up Esteban when this happens, because that sometimes helps.
This time I'm just going to have to deal with the insomnia. He needs to rest, and it wouldn't be fair to him to have to be available to listen to me whine 24/7 when I'm such a terrible listener.
At around 5 A.M. I remembered a receipt I forgot to return to a cashier at the arcade... I'll return it tomorrow... hope it didn't unbalance the register... =_=
By the time I started thinking about my father I decided it was time to get out of bed, sit at the computer, and blog it out.
I keep hearing my uncle's voice in my head: "Antes ustedes eran sus hijas queridas, ahora es como si no existieran." Before, you were his beloved daughters, now it's as if you don't exist.
They say you can divorce your spouse, but your children will always be your children. That all sounds like optimistic bull right now. If my father could stop loving my mother, then he can definitely stop loving us. He can definitely stop loving me.
I'm very apathetic about the entire situation. This helps avoid hostility between my father and me. He's constantly gushing about how I'm the only one who doesn't bash him, how proud he is of me, how much he loves me. But behind my back, he tries to sell my car because he's "flat broke"... and yet he somehow finds the money to pay for TWO cars of his own (one which is a MERCEDES... I kid you not).
I f*cking hate him so much for ruining everything.
It's almost six in the morning. Maybe I'll play Super Princess Peach on the DS 'til sleep comes...
This time I'm just going to have to deal with the insomnia. He needs to rest, and it wouldn't be fair to him to have to be available to listen to me whine 24/7 when I'm such a terrible listener.
At around 5 A.M. I remembered a receipt I forgot to return to a cashier at the arcade... I'll return it tomorrow... hope it didn't unbalance the register... =_=
By the time I started thinking about my father I decided it was time to get out of bed, sit at the computer, and blog it out.
I keep hearing my uncle's voice in my head: "Antes ustedes eran sus hijas queridas, ahora es como si no existieran." Before, you were his beloved daughters, now it's as if you don't exist.
They say you can divorce your spouse, but your children will always be your children. That all sounds like optimistic bull right now. If my father could stop loving my mother, then he can definitely stop loving us. He can definitely stop loving me.
I'm very apathetic about the entire situation. This helps avoid hostility between my father and me. He's constantly gushing about how I'm the only one who doesn't bash him, how proud he is of me, how much he loves me. But behind my back, he tries to sell my car because he's "flat broke"... and yet he somehow finds the money to pay for TWO cars of his own (one which is a MERCEDES... I kid you not).
I f*cking hate him so much for ruining everything.
It's almost six in the morning. Maybe I'll play Super Princess Peach on the DS 'til sleep comes...
posted by Kaede at 5:20 AM
2 Comments:
-Gonna keep this light-hearted ^_^
-When Insomnia comes...
-Insomnia by Faithless
*all-too-familiar-beat comes to mind*
-Better than counting sheep and stuff.
No matter what time it is... you can call me! I like to listen to you and your "whining". It reminds me that you are human too.
About your father... I think he loves you. He doesn't know how to express it is the problem. You told me more than once that even when he lived with you, his way of "loving you" was with money and gifts (more of the materialist kind that the quality-time-kind). And I can tell that a part of him feels sad because he knows that he is wrong in a lot of things, giving you and yours reasons for hating him. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's the way I see him.
Anyway... at least Super Princess Peach and my DS helped you in some way (hope so). Maybe you didn't call me... but I was there... in.... a pink dress... blonde hair... and saying "Nintendo" with a blondie accent... My point is that I tried to help you, even when you didn't wake me up... through my DS (X-files theme playing in the distance)!
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